Kiss and Tell
by Swiss Blue
Summary: Sam and Amelia have been together long enough that Amelia is ready to take things to the "next level," but this poses a problem for Sam who finds that he has to tell his girlfriend that he is asexual. Season 8.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters contained herein. They belong to the owners of _Supernatural._

 **Rating:** T for material sensitive for children 12 and younger.

 **Author's Notes:** Sam is a sex-repulsed asexual, as am I. No slash, no vulgar language. This takes place just before Season 8 when Sam was with Amelia. Please note that I take a few liberties as in my stories Sam was never a couple with Ruby and never had sex with that lady from the siren episode or while soulless.

Kiss and Tell

Sam hadn't been kissed in almost six years when he first kissed Amelia. Lilith and the girls he kissed while soulless didn't count, as one was unwanted and the others were to selfishly gain information and trust. They weren't _real_ kisses, not to Sam. Kisses had to matter; one had to like the person one was kissing; kisses needed to have a positive feeling behind them. When he kissed Amelia, it felt good. A warm glow spread through him, like a sip of hot chocolate when one is very cold. It was a gentle, sweet kiss, the only kind Sam gave, and it was perfect. Sam felt like he could fly. It was glorious to be loved like that again; it was something he hadn't felt since Jess. He felt a small ache in his heart when he thought of her, Jess, for she would always hold a special place in his heart. But when he kissed Amelia, he knew that he had something to hold on to.

When his brother died (for that is what Sam thought happened), Sam felt cut adrift, and he ran. He ran from being overwhelmed, he ran from not wanting to be close to the truth, he ran from being alone, he ran looking for the safety and love that Dean had always provided. Amelia was far from the same, but their love was something to hold onto, and Sam needed that.

It wasn't too long before Sam and Amelia moved into Amelia's new house. It wasn't strange to Sam, who had lived with Jess having never had sex, but to Amelia – unbeknownst to Sam – it was. She couldn't say she minded, what with having lost her husband she was willing to take it slowly, but once they were almost settled in the new house she wanted to take things to the "next level."

She didn't know that this would pose a problem with Sam though. For Sam didn't want sex, ever. He was what is called a sex-repulsed asexual, even though he didn't know the term. Sex was disgusting to Sam and he couldn't fathom how other people found it pleasant. In fact, he disliked making-out – something else he and Amelia had never done – because he hated teeth and tongue (blech!) and the unrestrained passion that usually went along with it. There was no way on earth that Sam was going to get into bed with those intentions.

But this Amelia didn't know. One evening, when she got home from work, she called out: 'Sam? I'm home!'

'Hey! Welcome back!' came the answer carrying from the living room.

Amelia smiled and entered the living room. Sam turned from where he had been stacking books on a shelf and smiled.

'Hey. How was work?'

'Pretty good,' Amelia replied. 'Nothing major, just the regular check-ups and shots, and one cat with a bad rash. Easily taken care of.' She plopped her purse down on the table it always sat on and sighed. 'How was your day?'

'Not bad,' Sam said collapsing the last box, 'Just the usual. I fixed the water heater; it stopped working. Someone got a big surprise this morning.'

Amelia smiled again and walked up to him, then pulled him down for a kiss. Sam happily returned it. That is, until Amelia changed it to a kiss of passion, pushing her lips against him hard and moving. Sam was surprised, and he was about to straighten up so she couldn't reach him (one of the advantages of being tall), when she gripped his shirt tightly and started to push him backwards. Sam's eyes flew open, concerned that she would accidentally run him into a table when he realised that she was heading for the hall, which had the bedroom. Sam planted his feet firmly in a stop, placed his hands on her shoulders, and pushed her off.

'Amelia. Wait,' he said, suddenly nervous and uncomfortable.

She looked at him, mildly surprised. 'Are you not ready yet?' she asked, observing his discomfort. 'Sam, it's been months.' She then seemed to realise what she said. 'I mean, it's ok if you need more time. I can wait. It's just unusual for a guy. You caught me by surprise.'

'It's not that. Um, Amelia…' Sam struggled, running his hand through his hair in a gesture of nervousness, 'I have something to tell you.' He took a deep breath as she looked expectantly at him, and then took the plunge: 'I don't want to have sex, ever. I've never had it, and I don't ever want it.' Amelia said nothing, just looked at him in utter surprise. It made poor Sam more nervous.

'I'm sorry; I should have told you right off the bat. I… I just didn't want to lose you,' Sam said in a bit of a rush.

Amelia found her tongue. 'You don't want sex?' she questioned, stupefied. 'But… you're a guy. How can you not want sex? It's… well, sex is amazing.'

'Not to me.' Sam said softly. 'I think it's disgusting.' He didn't mention that he would probably panic if he ever tried to have it.

'But… it's an expression of love!' Amelia argued.

'Most guys don't think that way,' Sam replied, thinking of every guy he had ever heard talking about his least favourite subject, 'And for me, it isn't love. It's lust. I know it isn't always lust, but for me it's just awful. I can't imagine how anyone wants it.' Sam was feeling worse by the second, sure that he would lose his girl. Honesty was not easy.

'But… you've never had it. How can you be sure you won't like it?' Amelia was incredulous.

Sam gave a weak smile. 'How did you know you would like it before you had it?' he asked gently.

Amelia thought about that. 'Ok. Makes sense. Fair enough. But… Sam. This is strange. Did… did something happen when you were younger?' she asked carefully.

Sam's eyes went wide. 'No! No, nothing like that.' It wasn't an entirely unfair question. A victim of sexual abuse or worse never wanting to do that would make sense. And Amelia cared; she was relieved when Sam said no.

Sam continued. 'I've been this way as far back as I can remember. It's just something I don't want and am not attracted to.'

That perked Amelia's ears up. Now _her_ eyes went wide. 'You're not attracted to me?'she asked.

'No.' Sam replied honestly. Then realising what that would mean to her, rushed to clarify. 'I mean, not like that. Not….not sexually. I think you're beautiful and wonderful and I want to be with you. You mean a lot to me. I just… can't ever give you that,' he finished softly.

Amelia turned and walked around the room, thoroughly shocked. Sam watched her worriedly with his sad puppy-dog eyes, quite sure at this moment that she was going to leave him. It would hurt, but he would understand. In a way, that is. He would understand if she left him because of this, but he couldn't understand why sex was so important to and desired by others.

'But, you've been in love before, right?' Amelia asked, still looking for clarification. 'I can't be your first love.'

Sam shook his head. 'You're not. My girlfriend, Jess, she was fine with it. She wasn't like me, but she was willing to be with me.' That's all he wanted to say about Jess. She had been amazing about the whole thing, and it still ached to think about what he lost – an understanding and willing girl who loved him. And he didn't want to make Amelia feel bad.

Amelia looked at Sam. He was wonderful: kind, smart, caring, loving, and he made her feel safe. Was she willing to leave that because he wouldn't give her time in the bedroom? She thought about it. She hadn't had that in months, since Don died, and though she wanted it, she figured she could go without for awhile longer. In the back of her mind, she thought that Sam would change his mind once he got to be with her more. However, this thought did not fully manifest itself, otherwise, she might have realised the danger of her thinking. But she was too focused on the puppy-dog eyes Sam didn't know were out to think any deeper.

'Ok,' she said at length. 'Ok, I think this could work.'

Sam's eyes brighten a little. 'Really?' he asked hopefully.

Amelia chuckled at his tone. 'Yes, really,' she said as she walked towards him.

Sam let out a breath. 'Oh, thank you.'

Amelia smiled and put her arms around his neck. 'Gosh Sam, that was romantic.' And she meant it. A man thanking her for staying with him when he had done nothing wrong? _That_ was romantic.

Sam chuckled and rested one hand on her mid-back and used the other to put away an errant lock of her hair. ' Romantic I can do. I like it,' he said, and then suddenly felt bashful.

'Then kiss me,' said Amelia, smiling up at him.

And he did. It was sweet and gentle, the only kind Sam liked and gave, and to Sam it was perfect. They would discuss boundaries later that night, but for now Sam was giving his beautiful girlfriend a kiss. And to Amelia it was perfect – for now.

The End.

You might have picked-up that I dislike Amelia. I am not entirely happy with this, but I am not sure how to make it better. Please do leave a review! :) Please alert me of any mistakes. Feel free to prompt me in the comments or by PM. ~Swiss Blue


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